My prayer for my parents

Tonight I called my parents. It's my mom answer the phone and she said my father went outside. I asked about whether my father got well, asked Tian to talk with her for a while. Then I told her briefly about our everyday life. She still sounded flat and negative, but we talked more than before. I let her know more things about my life. That is already a very big progress. I will keep working on it.

Now I can say I have no bitterness to my parents. And I am trying to put myself in their shoes. I try to see them at the same level with me as a human being. They are not happy or they always complain, because they don't know what can satisfy the longing inside. I wish I could do something to help them feel peaceful and blissful.

The mother's day is coming, what kind of gift could I give to her? I pray for the wisdom and courage to show my love to her.

Dear God, I ask you help my mother and my father have peace in heart, I ask you show me how I can give them what they really need. I ask you make all of us to open heart to one another. May you bless all of us.

the rule of communication

1. Don't just talk about what you like to talk, instead,share what is valuable of others' time and attention.------ That is necessary to keep people focused and the conversation meaningful.
Remember, nobody has time for your blah.


2. Try to find the other's language.
Sometimes, you try very hard but you still cannot go through the conversation smoothly. You should think about to speak their language(not literally). For example, when you speak with youg child, you should find a way to make them listen to you. Then you should use the word and logic that they can understand. I think I have made a lot progress on how to talk with my son.

However, I never try to understand my parents' language. What they want to listen, what they want to talk about, what make them happy and satisfactory, what worry them most. I never try to adjust myself to their level or put myself in their shoes. I will definitely need work this out.

The flying moment

Have you ever experienced a moment of flying in your heart? That is beautiful. At that moment, I just feel I can fly. The feeling is so clear I can even see two beautiful and strong wings are flipping.
At that moment, I was totally relieved from the pain and struggle through all the way. At that moment I understood why I had a heavy heart almost everyday. I was just like a bird with a wing broken falling down to the dirt. He looked up and saw his team flying away to their destiny. He tried uselessly to flip his wings wounded wing was so heavy that he could hardly hop. Looking up,he saw the spacious blue sky, he saw the white clouds and the singing birds. But he himself didn't belong to there anymore. That was me.

I wish I would experience the flying moment again and again.

The first step

Imagine there is a destination you want to go to. Through the journey, a stark black wall stood in front of you, which seemed topless and endless. Feeling overwhelmed, you never tried to push it, because you believed it was not movable. You never tried to climb it, because there was even not any dent for your nails and toes. So you decided to take another way. You turned your back. While your feet barely touched the ground, you felt a deadly sharp pain in your nose. Through the tears, you fumbled and looked up. What you knocked into was just that exactly same wall.Since then you tried countless times and various direction, however, the wall was always there waiting for you wherever you wentl. For the time being, it has become like your shadow. The wall is called "fear".

Then you gave up. You tried to follow others' steps on their journey didn't make you feel relieved, however. There was a deep longing inside floating through each breath of your life. You wandered day after day carrying the pain of a tearing heart. Finally you acknowledged you could never escape. For the first time you truthfully took your deep desire as your destiny. It is the only path to ease the pain and to find the answer for your life .

But whatabout that wall? You went and found it. You sat down. This time you looked at it in a new way. You wanted to know well about it. Gradually, you saw the wall was not a simple whole. On it you saw the exhaustion , you saw failure and failure, you saw loneliness and desperation, you saw others' scoff and attack, you saw a heavy doubt, and more. And your destiny is behind all of those. That is just the way it is. You were thinking, "I don't know what to do with them, I cannot escape, I cannot push them away. But I know, from the bottom of my heart, that I must go for my destiny. So the only thing that I can do is to accept them and dedicate myself ." Thinking this,you felt your heart lifted from the burden, even a little excited, because you realized you have a purpose in your life to live and die for. Suddenly,you heard a voice from above,"welcome, you have already accomplished the first step. From now on, your life will be full of challenges and tests you need for your eternal destiny. That is the honor given to you. Congratulations on your fruitful journey. " With the voice gone, the big wall in front of you were falling apart. Through the debris, you saw an endless rugged road reaching to an unclear world. There is a light somewhere in that world, small but bright. You took the light in your heart and stepped out.

At that moment, your heart was flying.

the chosen

"What kind of person you will become is not decided by you ability, but your choice."

-----------Yang, Lan

I quite agree with this. I need think about how I should choose for my future.

Tonight I searched internet and read some about YangLan and Cui Yongyuan. I think I learned something worth the time althoulg I had to stay late.

Now I have some dream which is long term. I will try my best. However, I am not the power to decide its track and its end. I need think about the part that I can decide and get it. Being happy and enjoyable with it and meanwhile working toward the rest part of my dream. So which part is what I must get and what I am designed to do?

about feeling sick

Do you feel that there is always some pain in your body? Yesterday it was the backpain, today it is the headach, tomorrow maybe neckpain or stiff shoulder, who knows? That is how I feel about my body. That may be the sign of aging. And the problem is I don't know which kind of doctor I should see or trust. I had struggled and felt unhopeful sometimes and doubted what I could afford to do with this weak body. However,With the experience, I have become more released with those pain. Just like you cannot avoid trouble in your life, you cannot avoid pain or other problem with your body as long as this body is still working. Just learn to coop with it, live with it and still do as much as I can do. The illness cannot stop me from doing what I need and I want to do.

I believe today is a turning point in my life

For such a long time that I can even barely remember since when, I didn't have a dream in my life. But today I am begining to reveal it. In fact, pieces of the dream have been in my heart and soul through my life, scattering here or there. Through a journey of searching, I fumbled,tasted,sobbed,but something there in my soul could not let me give up. Through the searching, I found back my gratitude to what I have, I found my confidence, I found my passion and desire, I have learned how to be truthful to myself, I also got ready for falling down and getting up everyday. Because I know all of these are what I need for my dreamsearching and dreammaking.

Now I have got those pieces for my deam and started to put them together. That is not easy. I need lots of patience, learning, modifying. I will be enjoying this process and I feel happy that I am in my dream-making business. That is so romantic and beautiful.

Next, I will find out a way to visulize my dream and to work hard making it closer and clearer everyday.

You can give yourself a beautiful day

In the morning, I packed all the books, crafts,snacks and drinks into two bags. Tian was also excited about going to Sean's house. The traffic was not good as usual. After 45 mintes, finally we got there. However,they were not home. The housecleaner told me that the whole family wouldn't be back until Tuesday. And she introduced me to her daughter as Sean's babysitter. "I am not a babysitter", I said in my head.

Not very happily, I took Tian back inside the car. Then I saw a voice message left in my cell phone. That was Stepheny's message from last Saturday. Sean will not have class until Wedesday. I will lose two days to make money, which is not very encouraging.

But I got more time for me and Tian. I brought Tian to the big playground. It's a very nice sunny day. There were lots of kids there that parking was not very easy. I supposed Tian would be excited about being here. You never know. He inclined to climbe that big blue tube slide eventhough I kept encouraging him. He just malingered somewhere and didn't seem have fun. I need do something. Half pushing,half coaxing, I went up there with him, then I insisted on him to slide with me together. Unwillingly he did this with me. He still seemed no happy and refused to do that again, but at least he had one experience. So, after some observing and thinking, when I told him I would wait for him at the end of the slide, he agreed to try once by himself. I wish I could show you what he looked like when he reached out of the slide. Still a little uneasy, he was obviousely proud of his accomplishment. Then he did it another time, again and again. he jumped, laughted, lifted his hands and exclaimed,"I did it. I did it." We hugged,laughed. Both of us had the feeling of big achievment. Of course, for me, as his mom, I am proud of being there with him, encouraging,giving a little push, and sharing his pride and joy. That worths much more than what I can earn. So, in my heart, I gave a thanks for this no-class day.
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